Spring Fever.

my feelings right now.

When developing a charity project makes one feel guilty

You people should feel weird if someone has this guilty conscience, especially if that relates to developing a project intended for charity. Yeah, people, you should.

Here is how the 'guilty' story goes:

There is a competition for any youth projects organized by an NGO that is due next week. The NGO will grant a maximum of USD25,000 for each project selected. 

My friend, Din, and I thought that this might be a good chance to get a funding and also to help those in need. So, today, we tried to meet and create a proposal for a project we wanted. The project will be about improving livelihoods for a youth community.

It is a good project.

We believe so.

But, the problem arose when we wanted to develop the framework of the project. As two people who never came across any project planning and development, we got stuck.

Apparently, we had no ideas on how to make a good project's proposal. And to think that the proposal will be reviewed by a giant NGO, we, in other words, felt helpless.

We did read and try to understand the essence of the project management plan from literally everywhere (read: Google) but, to no avail.

In the end, we decided to follow the example provided in the NGO guideline, like the framework and project expenditure. Well, actually, we nearly copied and pasted them. But,... we tried as much as possible... not to plagiarize them. We are two honest women. Really.

We first copied created the framework following the guideline, and since we didn't want to have a similar vibe as the example, we racked our brains to get better ideas. (And I think that's why my migraine returned happily)

Soon after finishing the framework, we moved on to the budget's proposal.

And things just got more twisted.

We had juuust this one problem, actually. As we will be volunteers for the project, naturally we will work hard to meet expectations of the project.

However, we are two underemployed people. We can't afford everything without proper financial supports aka. we won't earn any more money when we focus on this work. Therefore, we both thought of a solution, that is inserting volunteer allowances as a part of the budget's proposal.

It was a nice and convenient idea. Except that the guideline informed us that any payment not specifically related to project activity (ie. salary and stuff) should not exceed 10% of the total project's budget.

Thought it was fine at first... before we saw that the payment has exceeded at about some thousands. Quickly, we racked our brains, again. This time, for our future selves...

That's when we suddenly realized what we've been doing. 

Me: Astagfirullah, dear me, can't believe we're actually thinking of ourselves while doing charity work for others

Din: Exactly. And with non existent money, no less

Me: That's why we are not fated to be higher ups. Imagine working with readily collected money... Hahaha

Din: Brain's working especially when money is related

Me: OK. No fear... You see, even a zakat collector can get paid. See? we, I think, can claim as well

Din: Hahaha... what an excuse

Me: I know right. Hahaha... now, I feel like doing a dirty work. I'm a sinner...

Din: Hahaha... what kind of people we are really, being awesome if it's a work on money

Surely, even though we ended up laughing at our silliness, it didn't change a fact that we felt terrible. 

Surely, even tough we felt terrible for thinking about our own benefits, it didn't change a fact that we kept trying to obtain the allowances by any means possible. 

Since the project will have about six people volunteering, the amount of allowances reached 2,000 dollars something. Just so you know, it's for the whole year period, so we've tried repressing the number as minimum as possible.

After several times fixing and fixing the number...

The final figure of the budget eventually became: $ 23,300

Din: Hey, look, we DID it!

Me: Yeah, we'd GET the money. Finally!

Din & Me: .... We should feel guilty.

Really. We. Have. Tried. Any. Means. Possible.

It's. Just. That. Everything. Is. Expensive.

Quod. Erat. Demonstrandum.

*when developing a charity project makes you feel gaining profits guilty*

What NOT to eat by ME.

I've made a grave mistake letting people know one of my weaknesses at some time around last year. Ah, well, not like I've never said anything about my other weaknesses here either, however, this one was fated to cause me a nightmare. Very bad.

This one problem has a lot to do with food. Yep, you read it right. FOOD.

So, why does food problem make things go awful for me?

Well, I don't know if any of you have realized by now that I do have a high tendency to be tempted to a good food. There are a number of times that this blog has been about me and food, like here, here, or here. Ahem, I guess thrice is a quite lot.

Therefore, only when and where will I want to eat food that I'm fond of eating. 'Course, naturally, unless circumstances force me to, I would LOVE to eat food that I like. Tell me, who's not?

Then there came a time I was unaware of my own downfall.

In order to prepare for an unforgettable event for my getting-a-year-older birthday celebration, a bunch of my friends went as far as collecting secret info from myself. They surely made their plan will go smoothly, kept everything as usual and in check.

And I, as oblivious as ever, didn't know a damn thing.

They had a big success collecting info about kinds of foods I hated to eat. I'm not sure though if food I dislike can be counted as a secret, but anyways... *and who the heck talk about secret freely? Ugh, I'm beyond help...

After I found out what they came up with the secrets, on the Day of course, I then recalled the night on how the secrets got leaked...

It was a night like any other nights in my room when I had a casual chat like any other chats I had with my roommate, Cilla. We talked almost about every unnecessary things... well, most of the time things I talk are unnecessary, so yeah...

Then she suddenly raised a question about what I didn't like to eat... and since I wasn't suspicious this could backfire, I spilled all about things I didn't want to eat or have even a tiny bit. I'm pretty picky, I must say.

So, the list of if-I-see-them-I-will-not-eat foods were leaked. My supposedly-kept-in-dark list were out then... (and I let it out again, now).

I was pretty much done for.

On the Day the event to be memorable, it became miserable for me. As an additional info, the day before it I was actually suffering from a terrible stomachache. And it was still there... because of some foods (again!) that I ate for my iftar dinner. I had it on campus together with other Muslims, but seemed like the food was spoiled already... and so, the rest were history.

My friends said that it wasn't supposed to be about food I dislike, but still related to food nonetheless. But because of my stomachache, they switched to Plan B. Um, maybe it's a Plan C... well, who cares anyway, it's still me who played the role of a victim. Ah, I mean, the star of the Day.

SO.

The plan was like this: 1) Make a quiz for me to answer, and 2) Make the question impossible to answer, so 3) I cannot answer the question, then 4) Get me to eat the food I hated.

What a simple trick they had!

What a cunning mind they own!

To think that they made me into eating CELERY! Huhuhuhu... I don't like it so much that I always put it aside before eating because most people's cooking has celery in it.

But, but, but. They especially made something that had a crazy amount of chopped celery in it that when I was trapped and had no other resorts to free myself, I had a hard time putting them aside. Because, you know what, it was basically a chunk of celery in every millimeter of the food. It was haaard to get rid of them...

You can all witness me getting tortured in the gif below. 

Apparently, they also video tapped me the whole time of my birthday celebra-ture... (ah, before I forget, I'd like to thank my friends for being thoughtful of my Day... And, I know you can never be more cunning than this. Hahaha...)

me and my fren, Lyn, being in a video. Yay? T^T