Mari Bernostalgia: Back to Masa Putih Biru

Zaman putih biru itu dalam sejarah hidup seorang wanita dewasa (deu) seperti saya bisa dibilang zaman paling monumental. Termasuk juga masa menemukan jati diri.

Bagian monumental dalam sejarah saya ini sebetulnya erat kaitannya dengan kebiasaan dan kebisaan saya sebagai seorang siswa SMP. Masa menduduki bangku SMP ini, saya mengkategorikan diri sebagai fan berat komik Jepang, berikut anime-nya, saya juga pecinta berat novel berbau detektif dan sebangsanya, termasuk juga penikmat berat lagu Barat dan bahasanya. Salah satu bahasa yang paling saya minati kala itu adalah bahasa Inggris.

Bicara tentang bahasa Inggris, sejujurnya ini jugalah yang menjadi pelajaran favorit di sekolah. Bisa dibilang yang membuat saya bertahan di bangku pendidikan formal ini ya, pelajaran bahasa Inggris. Semacam oase begitu, hehehe. *iyah maap, ini hiperbola*

Kalau diingat-ingat, sebenarnya saya bukan yang ahli sekali bahasa Inggris masa itu, tapi entah kenapa sebagian besar teman sekolah seringnya diskusi pe-er bahasa Inggris dengan saya. Mungkin karena efek suka pelajaran ini yang sedemikian tingginya sehingga menciptakan suatu daya tarik magnetis yang membuat orang mengira saya jagonya (aih, ngomong apa ini). Dan karena pada dasarnya saya orang yang kompetitif dan tidak suka kelihatan tidak tahu, sudah pasti saya berusaha memberikan jawaban yang memuaskan pemirsa budiman…kecuali sedang “bad mood”. *ups*

Singkat cerita, zaman putih biru adalah zaman ketika saya menisbatkan diri sebagai pecandu bahasa.

Lalu bagaimana kabar pelajaran sekolah yang lainnya? Sebodo amat.  Sebagai seorang siswa yang tidak suka punya nilai jelek di akademik, sudah barang tentu saya tetap fokus belajar untuk mata pelajaran selain bahasa. Bukan rahasia lagi kan kalau siswa sekolah itu belajarnya sangat beragam, serta mesti menguasai semua tawaran pelajaran yang ada. Otomatis, pelajaran seperti matematika, fisika, kimia, biologi (IPA, kalau di SMP), ekonomi, geografi (IPS, kalau di SMP), sejarah, PPKN, agama, kesenian, dan olahraga harus bisa dikuasai. Oleh karena itu, saya di kala itu me”wajib”kan diri sendiri untuk bisa berada di 5 besar peringkat kelas. Benar-benar “mental breakdown” kalau saya mendapati diri gagal di mata pelajaran tadi. Kenapa begitu? Karena saya cuma bisanya itu, “academic-oriented”. Jujur saja, saya iri melihat orang lain yang punya keahlian yang menggunakan keterampilan fisik. Contohnya, pintar gambar (lukis, desain, arsitektur, komik, dll), pintar jahit, prakarya, atau juga pintar olahraga (termasuk senam, dll). Kesemua “skill” tadi itu, tidak satupun yang mampu saya lakukan dengan baik. Saya bisa teorinya, tapi tidak di prakteknya. *hela napas*

Kalaulah pelajaran sekolah, seperti kesenian dan olahraga, hanya mengambil nilai praktek, insya Allah kondisi rapor sekolah saya tidak bisa dibanggakan (uhuk). Sering saya merasa kurikulum pendidikan formal kita memang menguntungkan orang-orang yang “non-physical skill oriented” seperti saya. Coba misalnya guru olahraga saya fokusnya di ujian praktek, aduh duh, bisa-bisa masa putih biru saya kelam-sekelamnya (yang akan dilanjutkan kekelamannya di masa putih abu-abu).

Dulu saya sangat antipati kalau sudah masuk pelajaran olahraga (satu lagi yang bikin alergi itu matematika, tapi masih bisa ditanggulangi dengan belajar), karena mau bagaimanapun saya usaha, tetap saja “fail”. Mungkin karena ini juga, ada obsesi tersendiri untuk berhasil yang justru membuat saya suka sekali menonton segala yang berbau olahraga. Pokoknya saya tahu semua jenis olahraga, hanya jangan suruh saya praktek saja. Please!

Dalam skala 1-100, nilai praktek olahraga saya itu memalukan, karena poin 50 saja tidak pernah sampai. Lari 5 menit perut sudah kram, koprol rusak total, push-up jatuh bangun, sit-up gagal bangun, servis bola voli tidak sampai lewat net (guru saya saking frustasinya, akhirnya menyuruh saya berdiri persis depan net biar bola sukses ke area lawan), lalu giliran lari keliling sekolah saya maju duluan (niatnya supaya cepat sampai tapi…) malah tiba paling belakangan, ….dan banyak lagi kegagalan suram yang tidak bisa diceritakan satu-persatu. *ngetik ini aja saya malu berat, prestasi olahraga nol T^T

Jadi, berkat masukan nilai ujian teori, pelajaran fisik semacam olahraga ini akhirnya batal membuat merah rapor kebanggaan saya. Tapi, pernah suatu ketika saya duduk kelas 3, seharusnya nilainya merah (saya sadar itu karena praktek saya memang luar biasa buruknya, yang nilai teori pun tidak bisa menolong). Begitu saya cek rapor, ternyata saya dapat nilai kasih-sayang. Hiks, tengkyu pak guru, jasamu takkan terlupakan. Fiuhh, hampir saja merah, yah walaupun ini bukan hal yang patut dibanggakan, tapi saat itu rasanya seperti lolos dari jurang kemalangan.

Berangkat dari ketidakberdayaan fisik ini, saya sudah bertekad untuk benar-benar berhasil di ranah yang memang saya tahu caranya, seperti dunia akademik, yang Alhamdulillah saya jalani kini. Dan menurut saya, seseorang itu harus tahu batas diri masing-masing karena itu akan menjadi “stepping point” di masa depannya.

Dan kemudian, dengan segala tekad untuk bisa menjadi yang terbaik, berbagai cara saya tempuh supaya dunia akademik saya tidak mengecewakan, terutama orangtua saya yang memang “education oriented”. Apalagi dengan status saya yang anak pertama, rasanya seperti semua tumpuan harapan ada di pundak. Tapi sebenarnya, saya itu tidak suka belajar lama-lama. Paling serius bertahan setengah jam. Selanjutnya, bosan akan melanda di detik-detik belajar yang menjemukan. Terutama kalau belajar materi yang sudah-sudah. Membaca buku teks pelajaran itu bak menegak “sleeping pills”. Akhirnya untuk menyiasati kondisi bosan parah ini, saya memaksakan diri untuk mengerti satu materi dalam sekali belajar. Benar-benar maksa banget ya kan, karena pada hakikatnya tidak ada yang bisa dipahami dalam satu waktu. Semua butuh proses. Tapi saya waktu itu tidak mengerti esensi belajar yang sesungguhnya.

Hingga akhirnya, tibalah masa ujian akhir sekolah skala nasional. Sekolah saya itu berada di ibukota kabupaten, tapi tidak memiliki lembaga belajar non formal layaknya saat ini. Kalau sekarang, anak sekolah yang akan ikut Ujian Nasional pasti mempersiapkan diri benar-benar dan sampai ikut les-les intensif ujian akhir. Saya dan teman-teman dulu tidak punya hal yang membantu seperti itu. Beberapa ada yang belajar kelompok. Cuma, saya dan teman dekat saat itu memilih belajar sendiri-sendiri, karena belajar kelompok ala kami, komposisinya 10% serius bahas soal, 90% sisanya serius gosip sana-sini plus ngerujak, ngemil, dan ngunyah makanan lainnya. Maklum, perempuan, semua aja jadi bahan hehehe.

Jadi, begitulah. Saya belajar sendiri sambil terkadang diiringi musik (walau akhirnya musiknya sendiri kemana, saya sendiri sudah tenggelam kemana) dan membahas sendiri soal-soal buku kumpulan ujian akhir, dan mengerti sendiri semuanya. Baca soal sendiri, bahas sendiri, bingung sendiri, akhirnya paham sendiri. Begitu terus.

Dengan segala usaha sendirian itu, ternyata saya dapat rejeki yang tidak disangka-sangka.

Setelah selesai ujian, pasti selanjutnya harap-harap cemas dengan hasilnya. Seperti biasa, saya berharap nilainya bagus dan memuaskan. Saya sangat yakin itu karena mata pelajaran olahraga tidak masuk ujian akhir nasional (wahahaha). Ketika hari pengumuman tiba, saya dan teman-teman beramai-ramai menyerbu lapangan sekolah untuk melihat nama-nama lulusan. Sayang sekali, kami hanya bisa melihat nama saja, karena nilai masih belum bisa diketahui hari itu.

Pulang sekolah, karena sudah tahu lulus, maka saya santai saja dan melaporkan apa adanya ke orangtua. Kemudian di sorenya, bapak saya pulang dan dengan wajah senyum-senyum (kelihatan sekali senangnya) bapak bicara ke saya yang sedang gosok baju. “Ika, kata ibu guru, nilai Ika paling tinggi ya!?,” bapak ngomong begitu. Awalnya saya tidak percaya, soalnya bapak saya hobi bercanda dan iseng, jadi saya sempat mikir pasti kena tipu biar bahagia semu. Orang mungkin mengira saya kok suuzon begitu, mana mungkin orangtua sendiri mengerjai anaknya, tapi yang kenal bapak saya pasti tahu, beliau itu bercanda sama serius susah dibedakan, kecuali kalau sedang marah. Jadi waktu itu, saya memilih untuk tidak percaya, dan berulang kali mempertanyakan keabsahan berita itu. Akhirnya, karena bapak menyebut nama guru saya, berikut testimoninya, saya percaya tidak percaya juga, disertai muka yang cengengesan bahagia.

Yah, sebenarnya mendapatkan posisi teratas se-kabupaten itu bukan target saya. Dan gara-gara prestasi tadi, semua orang di sekolah jadi kenal saya (bahkan merembes ketika masuk SMA). Waktu itu ada dua orang yang nilainya sama (beda hanya di dua angka setelah koma, dan saya jadi yang kedua), dan si peringkat satu itu adalah siswa dari sekolah lain, yang sebetulnya juga teman saya ketika di SD.

Bagi saya pribadi, momen lulus dengan nilai tertinggi memang momen yang fenomenal. Apalagi itu adalah masa-masa masih remaja dan memang penuh cita-cita. Tempat saya berpijak sekarang tidak bisa lepas dari impian-impian yang saya pupuk dari semasa putih biru. Karena kecintaan saya akan bahasa jugalah yang membuat saya bisa meraih cita. Mungkin tidak banyak yang tahu, saya mempelajari bahasa asing, Inggris dan yang lain, semenjak saya masih SD. Awalnya hanya tertarik saja, tapi hal itu jugalah yang terus membuat saya bertahan belajar di monotonnya pendidikan formal. Tidak bisa dipungkiri juga kalau minat adalah faktor terbesar motivasi seseorang untuk terus maju. Hal ini baru saya sadari sekarang, karena seperti yang saya akui sebelumnya, pada dasarnya saya bosan belajar lama-lama. Ini juga pasti dirasakan banyak siswa lainnya. Oleh sebab itu, melakukan sesuatu yang kita minati berpotensi mendukung kesuksesan kita di masa depan.

Dan bagi saya juga, zaman putih biru itu adalah saat saya menentukan arah hidup untuk saat sekarang. Saya bernostalgia dengan kenangan yang telah membawa saya hingga hari ini. Ditambah lagi nostalgia dengan segala bentuk “pemberontakan” kecil saat itu, terutama ketika tidak “mood” belajar. Bagaimana saya dan teman-teman keluar barisan upacara dengan alasan kecapean atau pitam (ada benarnya tapi dibumbui drama agar lebih tragis), bolos olahraga dengan alasan sedang datang bulan (LOL), malas buat pe-er di rumah akhirnya nyontek berjamaah (ahem), bikin diskusi di meja sendiri saat ada diskusi besar di kelas (hihihi),…dan sederet kebandelan “anak baik” lainnya.

Semuanya itu nostalgia bagi saya.

Kuliah Dua Tempat: A Double-Edged Sword

Kuliah dua jurusan di dua universitas yg berbeda itu sudah fenomena biasa di dunia akademik. Kalau ditanya kenapa mau kuliah dua, pasti jawabannya macam-macam, mulai dari passion/interest yg memang di dua jurusan tadi, permintaan orangtua, sampai iseng saja. Lho? Bisa iseng saja? Yah, memang ada orang yg kuliah itu dg dua misi: jurusan A utk masa depan, jurusan B utk isi waktu senggang. Well, to each their own.

Tapi. Ada tapinya, lho.

Kebanyakan orang yg kuliah di dua tempat itu punya challenges yg sama: time management dan stress management.

Ketika waktu yg tersedia tidak banyak, dan umumnya mepet-mepetan, mayoritas para dualer (mahasiswa kuliah dua-red) kerepotan membagi jam terbangnya. Bayangkan saja, di kampus A kuliah 24 SKS, di kampus B kuliah 24 SKS. Apa gak stress?!

Saya contohkan saja kondisi saya sendiri ketika jadi dualer. Baru selesai jam di kampus A, saya sdh harus angkat kaki utk menuju kampus B, yg akhirnya bisa tercapai sambil ngos-ngosan di ruang kuliah. Lain lagi ketika hrs rela dipalang absensi krn tdk ikut kelas di kampus A berhubung bentrok dg jadwal midterm di kampus B. Mau nangis tapi gak keluar air mata. It was a hard choice, really.

Nah, tapi dg segala kerepotan itu, kenapa masih mau jadi dualer? Jawabannya kembali ke alinea satu di atas tadi. Dan, kalau saya sendiri kebetulan krn kurang kerjaan saja, eh, krn memang dua bidang itu saya minati.

Hanya saja, ada hal yg patut disayangkan. Ketika kuliah itu bukan atas motivasi pribadi, dan lebih krn tuntutan/ambisi orangtua.

Beberapa orang mengaku kuliah dua krn dia harus mengakomodasi dua keinginan. Satu, jurusan pilihan hatinya, yang satu lagi jurusan pilihan orangtua. Alhasil, sampai sekarang mereka belum selesai di jurusan pilihan orangtuanya, padahal jurusan pribadinya sudah dari tahun kuda dia selesaikan. Poor souls!

In this case, sepertinya para dualer terdesak ini harus menggunakan sedikit trik agar orangtuanya rela mereka tidak melanjutkan lagi, sehingga mereka tidak perlu stress berkepanjangan juga. Mungkin tips saya dulu bisa digunakan ketika saya memutuskan tdk kuliah lagi di kampus B. Hehehe

Walaupun kuliah dua itu pilihan saya sendiri, tapi orangtua saya sudah warning dari awal, kalau saya tdk boleh sekali-kali balik badan setelah maju jalan a.k.a dua-duanya harus selesai. Oleh krn itu, mempertimbangkan warning tadi, saya memanfaatkan momen tsunami sbg 'alasan' keluar dr jurusan di kampus B, yg kebetulan di prodi ilmu keperawatan. Yah, saya akui saja kalo saya tdk sanggup "lihat korban berdarah" dan bisa "pingsan" nantinya...dan sederet alasan horor supaya diaminkan permintaan saya.

Jadi, daripada status tidak jelas di jurusan non pilihan, sebaiknya dicari jalan keluar supaya tidak berlarut-larut kuliah penuh kepedihan mental spiritual. Pasti ada jalan... krn yg terbaik utk setiap orang itu adalah yg terbaik.

*(Nasehat apa sih ini, haha)

Sekian dari mantan dualer
Best,

Oh well...

just opened my blog again after God-knows how long...

and oh well, the last post was in July last year.

Great.

that tells something.

My Two Cents of Ramadan

The month of fasting has ended.
Ramadan has gone.
And so we're back to square one.
 
Well, then, how should I describe my Ramadan?

As far as I can tell people, it seems that my Ramadan was quite 'saved'. I thought I've made some improvements here and there, in my prayers or my deeds.

Only that, perhaps, compared to others', mine was still lacking... but somehow, I feel some things have been done better. There were. A bit. Better.

Also, it seems to me that I get the feeling of getting more mature(?) as the month progressed. I'm not quite sure. But, I'd like to say...that I have, in some way, overcome my troubles that have been bothering me the past weeks.

And finally, nearing its end, I sensed an indescribable feeling that finally I've come to term with 'everything' that goes against my wish.

This Ramadan, I have earned another confidence. And trust. In Allah.

‪#‎my_two_cents_of_Ramadan‬

Oops, I did it again...

Oh, well... my habit has struck again. For the nth time, this blog is abandoned by the owner. *facepalm*

...

I'll just post a picture then. *big grin*

this was when my friends and I went to Port Arthur, Tasmania, Australia

"Please, judge me by my cover."

"Just because 'don't judge a book by its cover' is too damn mainstream."
(Me, early Nov, 2014)

Sering gwe berpikir kalo terkadang ungkapan "jangan menilai orang dari penampilannya" itu suka misleading. Kenapa? Karena gwe orangnya kritis, eh, bukan, karena sebuah ungkapan kan musti mengandung unsur universality alias kalo diterapkan di whereever, whenever bakal pas pengertiannya. Sederhananya tuh gini, semisal kita ngeliat ada orang pake jas putih lengan pendek jalan di koridor rumah sakit, trus karena kita saking terngiang-ngiangnya sama ungkapan di atas, kita lantas mikir... "Ah, itu paling sekuriti yang lagi iseng pake jas dokter." Trus, kita pun melenggang pergi. Nah, padahalnya tuh, itu seseorang memang dokter, mangkanya dia pake jas dokter. Ngapain juga ada sekuriti lalu-lalang pake seragam lain profesi di rumah sakit? Ini. Ini yang gwe bilang suatu kondisi dimana ungkapan "don't judge a book by its cover" ga applicaple across contexts.

Di postingan ini gwe pengen menunjukkan kalo ungkapan tadi ga standar, dan malah sebaiknya do this: "Judge me by my cover." Please.

Gwe bilang gini bukan tiada latar belakang cerita. Gwe tuh pernah beberapa kali disangkain punya agama selain Islam. And so, gwe hampir selalu mikir, nih orang apa ga liat kalo gwe pake jilbab selebar ini apa? Ada yang ngira gwe Hindu...karena kain di kepala gwe dia kira selevel kain sari cewe India. Ada juga yang nganggap gwe seorang Katolik taat, gara-gara di kampung doi cewe alim Katolik itu pake tutup kepala, kalo gwe ga salah tuh doi asalnya dari negara Balkan gitu.

Lain lagi orang yang ga tau gwe agamanya apa, dimana dia nanya gwe itu agamanya apa sih, yang membuat gwe sampe harus nunjukkin ke jilbab... "Well, I'm a Muslim...nih, liat gwe pake jilbab." Trus si penanya yang kebetulan gendernya cewe itupun angguk-angguk kepala, dan bilang kalo dia juga Muslim dari Turki, yang whaddaya know, tuh doi ga pake hijab dong. Kasus ini bikin gwe jadi heran, gwe jadi mikir apa si cewe Turki ini ngira di Islam tuh harusnya cewe ga pake hijab ato gimana sih. Soalnya kalo sebelumnya yang nanya agama gwe apa tuh emang bukan Muslim, jadi kali ga tau banget tentang Islam, nah tapi yang ini nih ngakunya Islam (minus jilbaban)... tapi dia heran liat gwe nutup kepala beginih. Daaan, ada pula yang nanyain apa yang gwe pake di kepala ini part of style? Aiyaa...*facepalm

Yah, gara-gara ini gwe jadi males kalo orang ga tau kalo gwe itu Muslim... People, coba ya, gwe tuh udah sengaja bela-belain berhijab gini buat nunjukkin ke dunia luas kalo agama gwe Islam. Jilbab itu ya, bukan hanya buat nutupin anggota tubuh doang biar terjaga, tapi dia itu sebenarnya multi fungsi...dia bisa juga sebagai identitas diri cewe Muslim dan juga...buat ngelap muka pas keringetan disaat ga ada tisu di dekat kita... (aih, jadi buka kartu...)

Poin selanjutnya kenapa gwe pengen orang nge-judge cover gwe itu karena ada kenalan gwe yang nawarin gwe minum bir, yang lalu gwe bilang terus terang Phillips terang terus, ah, gwe ini Muslim so, don't drink alcohol lah... Lain lagi temen gwe yang waktu gwe bilang gwe never minum-minum, tuh doi suer ora jamu, ga percaya banget kalo gwe ga pernah minum, sampe dia mastiin, "Not even once? No..." dan gwe dengan kesabaran yang sudah terlatih ngadepin orang ngeyel kayak begono cuman jawab sante..."No, not even once" dan doi terus aja ga yakin gitu... sebodo lah, gwe cuman senyum-senyum simpul mati aja. Heheh.

Gitu. Karena itulah gwe berharap sangat kalo orang pada ngeliat penampilan gwe dan bisa menilai dengan seksama dalam tempo yang sesingkat-singkatnya, ya jangan lama-lama juga kali diliatinnya... Emang gwe pajangan?

Sebagai pemakai hijab alias hijaber-- tapi bukan hijabers yang hobi ngelilit jilbab pake style yang ribet yang hanya Allah yang tahu gimana sulitnya itu buat gwe yang suka hidup dan jilbab yang simpel ini --gwe mau kalo orang-orang tuh pas ngeliat cewe pake tutup kepala sepanjang yang gwe pake ngerti kalo with this great piece of clothes comes great responsibilities. Kalo udah pake jilbab, seluruh attitude jadi harus selaras sama identitas jilbab ini. Ya, kalo udah berjilbab, ya ga sekedar modenya aja yang diutamakan, tapi the meaning behind the clothes itu juga kudu dipahamilah... Kan ga lucu kalo ada cewe berjilbab tapi doi malah kissing sama pacarnya, pake french fries, eh french kiss pulah. Ato sambil berjilbab sambil nyuri gitu... Eleuh-eleuh, itu kan sama kayak mengkhianati Tuhan namanya. Satu sisi ngambil hati Tuhan dengan pake hijab, di sisi yang lain menikam Tuhan di depanNya pula (yalah, mana ada perbuatan yang Tuhan gak tahu) dengan bikin dosa.

Balik ke gwe, gwe itu ga cuma pake jilbab, tapi baju gwe juga berlengan panjang plus gwe selalu pake rok panjang kalo kemana-mana (kalo ga kemana-mana, ngapain gwe berkostum lengkap gitu). Jadi, sudah seyogyanya seindonesianya kalo ketemu gwe orang tuh ga ngajakin gwe ke pub ato diskotik ajib-ajib... Lha, ngapain juga masuk situ, entar dikira pak sekuriti gwe mau ngasih dakwah di sono.

Juga, sudah sepantasnya juga orang kalo ngeliat gwe ga berpikir kalo gwe punya pacar sepuluh ato bahkan free sex. Ih, naudzubillah. Soalnya gwe juga sempat ditanyain apa gwe punya kekasih ato semacamnya, dan dengan repotnya gwe bilang gwe ga dating anybody gitu karena gwe Muslim, bla bla bla. Nah, tapi yang ngenes tuh ada temen gwe yang juga Islam yang ngerti kalo ga ada yang judulnya 'pacaran' dalam ajaran Islam...eh, dia dong keukeuh mengira gwe pastilah punya pacar, ga mungkin banget cewe sekaliber gwe ga punya gebetan. Ohok, gwe sempet nyari tau gimana cara ngelempar batu jumrah ke dia, biar ilang setannya gitchu...

Pengalaman-pengalaman yang bikin mata gwe makin sepet itu semakin memperyakinkan gwe kalo ungkapan "don't judge a book by its cover" sumpah misleading banget. Gwe mau di-judge by my cover. Please do so!

Until next time. ;)

System Restore: Laptop crashing

Few days before, I was in rush to log off my laptop, and did not bother clicking the ever-appearing pop ups, asking me to allow files to close, etc.

I went out for several hours.

Back at home, I opened my laptop... only to find everything in there has gone back to its default state, like the factory settings.

I was furious. I had no idea why it suddenly became like that, and after almost an hour trying to fix it by myself, I began to feel hopeless. It was so upsetting to find the laptop in such a state because I had quite a number of files vanished.

I've asked my bros and also my friends, but they had no idea how to restore the setting either. The only solution: go to the laptop service center. Ugh.

For some time, I used my other laptop, and did my other stuff, and delayed my going to the service center.

But then, out of boredom, I tried finding the solutions from the internet, just to test my luck... in case, there were people who had experienced the same thing.

Searching for a while, I didn't get the answer to my case, because the solutions they gave were such complicated ones that I didn't even understand any of it. *what's with 'command this' 'command that'?

Then, with my limited computer skills, I randomly opened the Control Panel and went straight to System and Security, as I remembered my bro told me something related to the system.

I found some terms about the System Restore... and though my understanding of computer is only limited to using Microsoft Office and Photo Editing software, I guessed that perhaps this System Restore thingy was somehow connected to my problem.

And so, without hesitating even for a bit (since I had nothing to lose, it's lost anyway) I clicked the restore link, and it gave me the choices to the dates/time I wanted to have the settings back.

Then, I chose THAT DAY, the date when I logged off hurriedly... 

.... I needed to restart.

.... TADA! Oh, Thank God!

It came back! Everything that I thought was gone has BACK! *sniff

Turned out, the solution was only a simple one. Glad I didn't have to go to the service center. At most, I needed not to take my money out of my pocket. Hahaha.

Moral: go learn some computer repair skills... just in case. XD

Will there be a day I will continue my study, again?

Not like I haven't got any degree yet. I have. One and a half bachelor's degree (half as in half way through only), and one plus two masters degree --which I got because after earning the first one, I still had no jobs and thus decided to take another one again which could be combined with another one making it a double degree. Sounds like a frighteningly success story, doesn't it? 

Yet, it doesn't. The reality is far from it. Being able to pursue my study to masters degree, as it turns out, does not make me feel like I've gained successful days. In actuality, I was only trying to escape from the harshness of real world.

I have never tasted the real life of a working person in this fast-paced world. Yet.

I must say that I am a laid back type of person by nature. Therefore, often times I prefer to do things my way and hate being in under pressure situations... that, of course are part of real work life.

But, people can't always have things their own ways, can they?

Hence, I'm preparing myself to be able to come to terms with how life is. I'm trying to find work that's suitable for me and able to improve me, in any way. 

And, I'm not going to escape again should I fail to get jobs, real jobs. 

But, uh, basically, it's quite hard for me to keep my own promises, ha ha ha.

There's a part of me wanting to work full time and in permanent positions, but at the same time there's me who wish to upgrade my academic status. Yes, I also feel I'm quite absurd.

However, like a saying that many many many people have heard of... Man proposes, but God disposes.

I just hope that whichever way I choose to be and whichever life God grants me, I just hope either will make my life blissful and blessed.

I'm surprisingly a very simple-minded person. 

Yet, not many know of it. Maybe, not even me.

:imaginary

 

for the first time in life, 
i wish i were someone else...

not·with·stand·ing

a totally random topic

The reason I post the above title in here is because I couldn't figure out just why my brain keeps playing the word... at the very random times; when I ride my motorbike, when I suddenly wanting to write something, or like when I'm reading something.

It just pops up in my mind, like some important thing I shouldn't forget.

Heck, since I keep feeling bothered with this word (because I have no idea why it always randomly appears?)... I decide to as well dedicate a post about it in my blog.

Ahem, only to make sure things, a little bit, I believe I'm not the only person who happen to experience this kind of situation, right?

Because, if not, then... I'll be like a fool. *____*



^What's with you, Notwithstanding? Very nevertheless, in spite of this! *blabbering

A Reward from God

Once upon a time, I was tricked into buying sour tasted mangoes by a wicked seller. Of course, since I couldn't stand the taste, it made me rack my brain to think of how to finish eating all those sour mangoes...

Days passed, I then craved for the sweet and ripe mangoes. The ones I love. I prayed hard and hard that I won't be fooled again when there is a time I buy mangoes in the future.

After sending my prayers, I actually forgot about mangoes the days after. Perhaps because I was busy with my life and stuff. And then, one day, without me knowing it, my mom bought a type of sweet and ripe mangoes. I felt blessed, and thanked God, because the same bitter thing didn't happen to my mom. Well, she's an expert buyer after all. 

Then, after those sweet mangoes were gone, I was given a bag of another sweet kind of mangoes. Some looked young, but they nonetheless tasted delicious. I felt double happy because I didn't have to buy anymore. I had a stock of mangoes already.

And then recently, my bro brought home another bag of sweet mangoes given by his in law. And, I'm still having them. If before I had a difficulty to finish them because they were like lemons, now I have a difficulty to finish them because they are just too many for me to handle. (Not that I complain though)

Ah, I thought that God was truly being gracious to me. I only experienced one hardship of having to eat sour mangoes. But, He has generously replaced (or should I say rewarded) me with three times of the happiness of having to eat sweet mangoes.

‪#‎I thank God, Alhamdulillah‬#

sour to the core: the make my life difficult mangoes

Spring Fever.

my feelings right now.

When developing a charity project makes one feel guilty

You people should feel weird if someone has this guilty conscience, especially if that relates to developing a project intended for charity. Yeah, people, you should.

Here is how the 'guilty' story goes:

There is a competition for any youth projects organized by an NGO that is due next week. The NGO will grant a maximum of USD25,000 for each project selected. 

My friend, Din, and I thought that this might be a good chance to get a funding and also to help those in need. So, today, we tried to meet and create a proposal for a project we wanted. The project will be about improving livelihoods for a youth community.

It is a good project.

We believe so.

But, the problem arose when we wanted to develop the framework of the project. As two people who never came across any project planning and development, we got stuck.

Apparently, we had no ideas on how to make a good project's proposal. And to think that the proposal will be reviewed by a giant NGO, we, in other words, felt helpless.

We did read and try to understand the essence of the project management plan from literally everywhere (read: Google) but, to no avail.

In the end, we decided to follow the example provided in the NGO guideline, like the framework and project expenditure. Well, actually, we nearly copied and pasted them. But,... we tried as much as possible... not to plagiarize them. We are two honest women. Really.

We first copied created the framework following the guideline, and since we didn't want to have a similar vibe as the example, we racked our brains to get better ideas. (And I think that's why my migraine returned happily)

Soon after finishing the framework, we moved on to the budget's proposal.

And things just got more twisted.

We had juuust this one problem, actually. As we will be volunteers for the project, naturally we will work hard to meet expectations of the project.

However, we are two underemployed people. We can't afford everything without proper financial supports aka. we won't earn any more money when we focus on this work. Therefore, we both thought of a solution, that is inserting volunteer allowances as a part of the budget's proposal.

It was a nice and convenient idea. Except that the guideline informed us that any payment not specifically related to project activity (ie. salary and stuff) should not exceed 10% of the total project's budget.

Thought it was fine at first... before we saw that the payment has exceeded at about some thousands. Quickly, we racked our brains, again. This time, for our future selves...

That's when we suddenly realized what we've been doing. 

Me: Astagfirullah, dear me, can't believe we're actually thinking of ourselves while doing charity work for others

Din: Exactly. And with non existent money, no less

Me: That's why we are not fated to be higher ups. Imagine working with readily collected money... Hahaha

Din: Brain's working especially when money is related

Me: OK. No fear... You see, even a zakat collector can get paid. See? we, I think, can claim as well

Din: Hahaha... what an excuse

Me: I know right. Hahaha... now, I feel like doing a dirty work. I'm a sinner...

Din: Hahaha... what kind of people we are really, being awesome if it's a work on money

Surely, even though we ended up laughing at our silliness, it didn't change a fact that we felt terrible. 

Surely, even tough we felt terrible for thinking about our own benefits, it didn't change a fact that we kept trying to obtain the allowances by any means possible. 

Since the project will have about six people volunteering, the amount of allowances reached 2,000 dollars something. Just so you know, it's for the whole year period, so we've tried repressing the number as minimum as possible.

After several times fixing and fixing the number...

The final figure of the budget eventually became: $ 23,300

Din: Hey, look, we DID it!

Me: Yeah, we'd GET the money. Finally!

Din & Me: .... We should feel guilty.

Really. We. Have. Tried. Any. Means. Possible.

It's. Just. That. Everything. Is. Expensive.

Quod. Erat. Demonstrandum.

*when developing a charity project makes you feel gaining profits guilty*

What NOT to eat by ME.

I've made a grave mistake letting people know one of my weaknesses at some time around last year. Ah, well, not like I've never said anything about my other weaknesses here either, however, this one was fated to cause me a nightmare. Very bad.

This one problem has a lot to do with food. Yep, you read it right. FOOD.

So, why does food problem make things go awful for me?

Well, I don't know if any of you have realized by now that I do have a high tendency to be tempted to a good food. There are a number of times that this blog has been about me and food, like here, here, or here. Ahem, I guess thrice is a quite lot.

Therefore, only when and where will I want to eat food that I'm fond of eating. 'Course, naturally, unless circumstances force me to, I would LOVE to eat food that I like. Tell me, who's not?

Then there came a time I was unaware of my own downfall.

In order to prepare for an unforgettable event for my getting-a-year-older birthday celebration, a bunch of my friends went as far as collecting secret info from myself. They surely made their plan will go smoothly, kept everything as usual and in check.

And I, as oblivious as ever, didn't know a damn thing.

They had a big success collecting info about kinds of foods I hated to eat. I'm not sure though if food I dislike can be counted as a secret, but anyways... *and who the heck talk about secret freely? Ugh, I'm beyond help...

After I found out what they came up with the secrets, on the Day of course, I then recalled the night on how the secrets got leaked...

It was a night like any other nights in my room when I had a casual chat like any other chats I had with my roommate, Cilla. We talked almost about every unnecessary things... well, most of the time things I talk are unnecessary, so yeah...

Then she suddenly raised a question about what I didn't like to eat... and since I wasn't suspicious this could backfire, I spilled all about things I didn't want to eat or have even a tiny bit. I'm pretty picky, I must say.

So, the list of if-I-see-them-I-will-not-eat foods were leaked. My supposedly-kept-in-dark list were out then... (and I let it out again, now).

I was pretty much done for.

On the Day the event to be memorable, it became miserable for me. As an additional info, the day before it I was actually suffering from a terrible stomachache. And it was still there... because of some foods (again!) that I ate for my iftar dinner. I had it on campus together with other Muslims, but seemed like the food was spoiled already... and so, the rest were history.

My friends said that it wasn't supposed to be about food I dislike, but still related to food nonetheless. But because of my stomachache, they switched to Plan B. Um, maybe it's a Plan C... well, who cares anyway, it's still me who played the role of a victim. Ah, I mean, the star of the Day.

SO.

The plan was like this: 1) Make a quiz for me to answer, and 2) Make the question impossible to answer, so 3) I cannot answer the question, then 4) Get me to eat the food I hated.

What a simple trick they had!

What a cunning mind they own!

To think that they made me into eating CELERY! Huhuhuhu... I don't like it so much that I always put it aside before eating because most people's cooking has celery in it.

But, but, but. They especially made something that had a crazy amount of chopped celery in it that when I was trapped and had no other resorts to free myself, I had a hard time putting them aside. Because, you know what, it was basically a chunk of celery in every millimeter of the food. It was haaard to get rid of them...

You can all witness me getting tortured in the gif below. 

Apparently, they also video tapped me the whole time of my birthday celebra-ture... (ah, before I forget, I'd like to thank my friends for being thoughtful of my Day... And, I know you can never be more cunning than this. Hahaha...)

me and my fren, Lyn, being in a video. Yay? T^T

let's write something today

am I gonna be like this? ugh, seems like this blog is gonna have an update one for every month. am telling you that this sad situation is not caused by me being idealess rather because of me being mindless.

yeah, so does that make any differences? boohoo.

therefore, in order for my blog to look a bit lively, I decide to be a dedicated blogger. am gonna put some of my thoughts right here, right now, in this very blog.

...

um, guess I need some more thinking. a bit too forced for me, to be honest. usually, um, well, usually before posting something here, I tend to contemplate first and foremost, like thinking what topic I should bring or what good words I could submit.

frankly speaking, 'was just randomly typing the title, not knowing what would go next. I know this is an unbelievably stupid move for me to make but then again... as I said earlier, guess me being mindless is a logical explanation for what is currently happening here.

... did I just mean myself being nuts here? DID I? and TWICE at that?

oh, por favor...

OK, so here is the nuts I mentioned above...  I got to eat some chestnuts when I had a trip to Kuala Lumpur earlier this month. I've seen a lot of chestnuts when I was in Seoul, and in Sydney as well, but just had a chance to taste these delicious roasted chestnuts when in KL. Sadly, they were seriously expensive (1 pack of 20 nuts = RM 10) that I only bought it once (and shared with my friend, too!). If only they were a lot more cheaper...

Seriously, who is Valentine?

Happy Valentine's Day... or so I should say it.

But, waaait... what, when, where, WHY should I say it?

The first thing that comes to my mind every time I hear someone at some place somewhere saying "Let's celebrate Valentine's day" or a simple "Happy Valentine's day" is THIS: who the heck is the person named Valentine that many many people around the globe seem to adore so damn much?

You see, when almost the entire world population spread the campaign on Valentine, you can't help but wonder who the person in question is. You might even wonder whether Valentine was a hero in the past and had helped the world be a better place at one point in his lifetime. You just can't help but THINK.

Well, then, isn't the thought above the most valid and acknowledged reason for somebody to be globally recognized and appreciated?

But, seriously, when so many people go on celebrating his name in every corner of the world, do they actually KNOW him?

I myself don't really know Valentine... let alone his life story. All I know, from my extensive research with the help of Google, Valentine was apparently a he, and a priest. Legend has it that he saved a couple madly in love, tho I had no idea what kind of hardships the couple had gone through. (I was thinking of Romeo and Juliet, but then they were just a fiction.)

Based on that experience alone, how could Valentine be credited for or equal to expressing LOVE? He's not the only human to do such a deed... and perhaps, there were even more people that were able to do more than just helping a couple. 

Ladies and gentlemen, LOVE is a grand thing. How can we possibly relate love with a Valentine? Surely, helping a couple madly in love could not be the only factor to use Valentine's name to express the love. What if the couple was not having a pure kind of love? What if they eloped because the man took someone's wife? What if... and many what ifs to answer. With so many things left unknown, and because the story was so blur, it just doesn't make sense seeing so many people celebrate Valentine's day. 

Ladies and gentlemen, once again, LOVE is a grand thing.

So, without knowing why Valentine and who Valentine is... a wise person should just celebrate the love they have in their own way... not influenced by some foolish campaigns and adverts that are trying only to gain profits from our ignorance.

Love is a grand thing. Let's not tarnish the love with something unclearly defined.

I rest my case.

The new post in what may have been the longest hiatus era my blog has ever experienced

H. I.

I feel like I need to at least greet my own blog after all this time I didn't bother to write anything. You see, people, it's year 2014 already.

I know I should've posted something like 'what I've done for today that made me feel sick' or even 'whaddaya think of this picture, should or should not it's posted in my blog'.

Yeah, things like those. *just in case there are people who wanna know my life updates*

S. O.

I feel like I need to say something here because I know I'm kind of ignorant and thus my blog looked like lifeless since forever. And, that's exactly the very reason why I refused to be a journalist or sort of --he-eh, you see, I may not look like it but some people did ask me-- because I know I won't be able to update things diligently.

S. O. part 2.

I should end this post here. I have no idea what I should write next in here.

I'm idealess.

signing out

It's MIDBREAK time, but...

My wishful thinking up there...

 

 yet, down here is the reality. 

Sad. So sad.

let me rest... ugh, but that **** assignments wake me up

*: get a two-week break to finish all assignments that due after the break

My biggest concern per nowadays

It's all about THIS!

One thing has been worrying me as of lately. I recently have been in a pretty hectic school life's schedule --i.e., due to me having not only lectures but also tutorials to attend plus weekly homework of all courses to do as well. Busy, busy.

For me, my Uni life couldn't get any worse than this term because, well, obviously because with this much in my hand I've had enough already. Migraines here and there. 

But, it's not about my busy weekly life that I wanted to rant here. Yes, above issues are my concern, too. Who said not? 

To be honest, there is one thing that's still haunting me up to now. Deep inside my fragile heart, this issue worries me a lot; more than me feeling troubled with flight delays or the high-rocketing transfer fees. This is more than all of those concerns you may think I may have concerned about.

This is about something that deals with a matter of surviving life and improving your life even better, and bigger. Literally.

I've aforementioned that recently I'm in a busy mode. Now my biggest concern starts from there (ehm, slash that!), now, my biggest concern has become even more bigger (ignore grammar here, please!) because the busier I am, the more I want to have... food. 

I, uh, I know that it seems is clear that I am fond of food quite*something*big, perhaps the number of times I think about food is higher than any common people (=one common person x 60 x 24 per lazy day).

It's awesomely frightening if you really count how many times I crave for food. It's scary you don't even want to know!

Well, this is precisely what makes me feel uneasy.

Lately, I've slept too much that I lost count. I even forgot whether it's night or day. Ahem, OK, I exaggerate here a little bit, but more or less so, so...

I don't even do a proper exercise for the sake of my health. What's more, I don't like exercising. It's exhausting, because I get tired easily. (Yeah, that's exactly why you need exercise, you fool girl! Ugh, I can't believe I write it to myself... Oh, dilemma!)

Then, the craving for food is such an annoyance. Like, right now, while I'm typing for this post my brain keeps sending me a signal for food. I'm hungry, hungry, hangrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeee... oops. Lose control, my bad.

Guess, I should stop here. Gotta grab something to eat, or else...

 

 

Mesir, Innallaha ma'ana...

What I wanted to say here... 

I have nothing left to say for the regrettable incident in the Muslim world. I have nothing more to share in regards with the terrible situation happened in the Muslim world. I have nothing...

I only have one thing. I only have my mind, my heart, and my soul to the syuhada, to the Muslims who were wrongly killed in their attempt to seek for justice. In Mesir, Egypt.

I have read, I have heard, I have come to many people who either supported or opposed to their effort. 

Some said they shouldn't have been killed, some said they were mere terrorists.

But, what most people should realize is that, what was the justification for some group to have the right to take the life of others?

What made that group think that holding a demonstration could mean a terror and so the protesters should be killed?

What was the killing for? For shutting them up? For the sake of instilling fear? For... fun?

On top of that, why killed the people who shared the same faith, same nation, same blood as you... why must you go to that extent?

....

I have nothing more to say

I can only offer them, the syuhada, a pray

La tahzan, Egyptian Muslim brothers and sisters, la tahzan... Innallaha ma'ana

Don't be afraid, don't be sad, don't get upset

If life looks cruel to you, and people turn their back on you

Don't lose your hopes, because there is Allah

Because Allah is forever with us

photo credit: owner