"between the good and the bad is where

you'll find me reaching for heaven"


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Wednesday, April 9, 2014

When developing a charity project makes one feel guilty

You people should feel weird if someone has this guilty conscience, especially if that relates to developing a project intended for charity. Yeah, people, you should.

Here is how the 'guilty' story goes:

There is a competition for any youth projects organized by an NGO that is due next week. The NGO will grant a maximum of USD25,000 for each project selected. 

My friend, Din, and I thought that this might be a good chance to get a funding and also to help those in need. So, today, we tried to meet and create a proposal for a project we wanted. The project will be about improving livelihoods for a youth community.

It is a good project.

We believe so.

But, the problem arose when we wanted to develop the framework of the project. As two people who never came across any project planning and development, we got stuck.

Apparently, we had no ideas on how to make a good project's proposal. And to think that the proposal will be reviewed by a giant NGO, we, in other words, felt helpless.

We did read and try to understand the essence of the project management plan from literally everywhere (read: Google) but, to no avail.

In the end, we decided to follow the example provided in the NGO guideline, like the framework and project expenditure. Well, actually, we nearly copied and pasted them. But,... we tried as much as possible... not to plagiarize them. We are two honest women. Really.

We first copied created the framework following the guideline, and since we didn't want to have a similar vibe as the example, we racked our brains to get better ideas. (And I think that's why my migraine returned happily)

Soon after finishing the framework, we moved on to the budget's proposal.

And things just got more twisted.

We had juuust this one problem, actually. As we will be volunteers for the project, naturally we will work hard to meet expectations of the project.

However, we are two underemployed people. We can't afford everything without proper financial supports aka. we won't earn any more money when we focus on this work. Therefore, we both thought of a solution, that is inserting volunteer allowances as a part of the budget's proposal.

It was a nice and convenient idea. Except that the guideline informed us that any payment not specifically related to project activity (ie. salary and stuff) should not exceed 10% of the total project's budget.

Thought it was fine at first... before we saw that the payment has exceeded at about some thousands. Quickly, we racked our brains, again. This time, for our future selves...

That's when we suddenly realized what we've been doing. 

Me: Astagfirullah, dear me, can't believe we're actually thinking of ourselves while doing charity work for others
Din: Exactly. And with non existent money, no less
Me: That's why we are not fated to be higher ups. Imagine working with readily collected money... Hahaha
Din: Brain's working especially when money is related
Me: OK. No fear... You see, even a zakat collector can get paid. See? we, I think, can claim as well
Din: Hahaha... what an excuse
Me: I know right. Hahaha... now, I feel like doing a dirty work. I'm a sinner...
Din: Hahaha... what kind of people we are really, being awesome if it's a work on money

Surely, even though we ended up laughing at our silliness, it didn't change a fact that we felt terrible. 

Surely, even tough we felt terrible for thinking about our own benefits, it didn't change a fact that we kept trying to obtain the allowances by any means possible. 

Since the project will have about six people volunteering, the amount of allowances reached 2,000 dollars something. Just so you know, it's for the whole year period, so we've tried repressing the number as minimum as possible.

After several times fixing and fixing the number...

The final figure of the budget eventually became: $ 23,300

Din: Hey, look, we DID it!
Me: Yeah, we'd GET the money. Finally!
Din & Me: .... We should feel guilty.

Really. We. Have. Tried. Any. Means. Possible.

It's. Just. That. Everything. Is. Expensive.

Quod. Erat. Demonstrandum.

*when developing a charity project makes you feel gaining profits guilty*

Saturday, April 5, 2014

What NOT to eat by ME.

I've made a grave mistake letting people know one of my weaknesses at some time around last year. Ah, well, not like I've never said anything about my other weaknesses here either, however, this one was fated to cause me a nightmare. Very bad.

This one problem has a lot to do with food. Yep, you read it right. FOOD.

So, why does food problem make things go awful for me?

Well, I don't know if any of you have realized by now that I do have a high tendency to be tempted to a good food. There are a number of times that this blog has been about me and food, like herehere, or here. Ahem, I guess thrice is a quite lot.

Therefore, only when and where will I want to eat food that I'm fond of eating. 'Course, naturally, unless circumstances force me to, I would LOVE to eat food that I like. Tell me, who's not?

Then there came a time I was unaware of my own downfall.

In order to prepare for an unforgettable event for my getting-a-year-older birthday celebration, a bunch of my friends went as far as collecting secret info from myself. They surely made their plan will go smoothly, kept everything as usual and in check.

And I, as oblivious as ever, didn't know a damn thing.

They had a big success collecting info about kinds of foods I hated to eat. I'm not sure though if food I dislike can be counted as a secret, but anyways... *and who the heck talk about secret freely? Ugh, I'm beyond help...

After I found out what they came up with the secrets, on the Day of course, I then recalled the night on how the secrets got leaked...

It was a night like any other nights in my room when I had a casual chat like any other chats I had with my roommate, Cilla. We talked almost about every unnecessary things... well, most of the time things I talk are unnecessary, so yeah...

Then she suddenly raised a question about what I didn't like to eat... and since I wasn't suspicious this could backfire, I spilled all about things I didn't want to eat or have even a tiny bit. I'm pretty picky, I must say.

So, the list of if-I-see-them-I-will-not-eat foods were leaked. My supposedly-kept-in-dark list were out then... (and I let it out again, now).

I was pretty much done for.

On the Day the event to be memorable, it became miserable for me. As an additional info, the day before it I was actually suffering from a terrible stomachache. And it was still there... because of some foods (again!) that I ate for my iftar dinner. I had it on campus together with other Muslims, but seemed like the food was spoiled already... and so, the rest were history.

My friends said that it wasn't supposed to be about food I dislike, but still related to food nonetheless. But because of my stomachache, they switched to Plan B. Um, maybe it's a Plan C... well, who cares anyway, it's still me who played the role of a victim. Ah, I mean, the star of the Day.


The plan was like this: 1) Make a quiz for me to answer, and 2) Make the question impossible to answer, so 3) I cannot answer the question, then 4) Get me to eat the food I hated.

What a simple trick they had!

What a cunning mind they own!

To think that they made me into eating CELERY! Huhuhuhu... I don't like it so much that I always put it aside before eating because most people's cooking has celery in it.

But, but, but. They especially made something that had a crazy amount of chopped celery in it that when I was trapped and had no other resorts to free myself, I had a hard time putting them aside. Because, you know what, it was basically a chunk of celery in every millimeter of the food. It was haaard to get rid of them...

You can all witness me getting tortured in the gif below. 

Apparently, they also video tapped me the whole time of my birthday celebra-ture... (ah, before I forget, I'd like to thank my friends for being thoughtful of my Day... And, I know you can never be more cunning than this. Hahaha...)

me and my fren, Lyn, being in a video. Yay? T^T

Saturday, March 22, 2014

let's write something today

am I gonna be like this? ugh, seems like this blog is gonna have an update one for every month. am telling you that this sad situation is not caused by me being idealess rather because of me being mindless.

yeah, so does that make any differences? boohoo.

therefore, in order for my blog to look a bit lively, I decide to be a dedicated blogger. am gonna put some of my thoughts right here, right now, in this very blog.


um, guess I need some more thinking. a bit too forced for me, to be honest. usually, um, well, usually before posting something here, I tend to contemplate first and foremost, like thinking what topic I should bring or what good words I could submit.

frankly speaking, 'was just randomly typing the title, not knowing what would go next. I know this is an unbelievably stupid move for me to make but then again... as I said earlier, guess me being mindless is a logical explanation for what is currently happening here.

... did I just mean myself being nuts here? DID I? and TWICE at that?

oh, por favor...

OK, so here is the nuts I mentioned above...  I got to eat some chestnuts when I had a trip to Kuala Lumpur earlier this month. I've seen a lot of chestnuts when I was in Seoul, and in Sydney as well, but just had a chance to taste these delicious roasted chestnuts when in KL. Sadly, they were seriously expensive (1 pack of 20 nuts = RM 10) that I only bought it once (and shared with my friend, too!). If only they were a lot more cheaper...

Friday, February 14, 2014

Seriously, who is Valentine?

Happy Valentine's Day... or so I should say it.

But, waaait... what, when, where, WHY should I say it?

The first thing that comes to my mind every time I hear someone at some place somewhere saying "Let's celebrate Valentine's day" or a simple "Happy Valentine's day" is THIS: who the heck is the person named Valentine that many many people around the globe seem to adore so damn much?

You see, when almost the entire world population spread the campaign on Valentine, you can't help but wonder who the person in question is. You might even wonder whether Valentine was a hero in the past and had helped the world be a better place at one point in his lifetime. You just can't help but THINK.

Well, then, isn't the thought above the most valid and acknowledged reason for somebody to be globally recognized and appreciated?

But, seriously, when so many people go on celebrating his name in every corner of the world, do they actually KNOW him?

I myself don't really know Valentine... let alone his life story. All I know, from my extensive research with the help of Google, Valentine was apparently a he, and a priest. Legend has it that he saved a couple madly in love, tho I had no idea what kind of hardships the couple had gone through. (I was thinking of Romeo and Juliet, but then they were just a fiction.)

Based on that experience alone, how could Valentine be credited for or equal to expressing LOVE? He's not the only human to do such a deed... and perhaps, there were even more people that were able to do more than just helping a couple. 

Ladies and gentlemen, LOVE is a grand thing. How can we possibly relate love with a Valentine? Surely, helping a couple madly in love could not be the only factor to use Valentine's name to express the love. What if the couple was not having a pure kind of love? What if they eloped because the man took someone's wife? What if... and many what ifs to answer. With so many things left unknown, and because the story was so blur, it just doesn't make sense seeing so many people celebrate Valentine's day. 

Ladies and gentlemen, once again, LOVE is a grand thing.

So, without knowing why Valentine and who Valentine is... a wise person should just celebrate the love they have in their own way... not influenced by some foolish campaigns and adverts that are trying only to gain profits from our ignorance.

Love is a grand thing. Let's not tarnish the love with something unclearly defined.

I rest my case.

Sunday, January 19, 2014

The new post in what may have been the longest hiatus era my blog has ever experienced

H. I.

I feel like I need to at least greet my own blog after all this time I didn't bother to write anything. You see, people, it's year 2014 already.

I know I should've posted something like 'what I've done for today that made me feel sick' or even 'whaddaya think of this picture, should or should not it's posted in my blog'.

Yeah, things like those. *just in case there are people who wanna know my life updates*

S. O.

I feel like I need to say something here because I know I'm kind of ignorant and thus my blog looked like lifeless since forever. And, that's exactly the very reason why I refused to be a journalist or sort of --he-eh, you see, I may not look like it but some people did ask me-- because I know I won't be able to update things diligently.

S. O. part 2.

I should end this post here. I have no idea what I should write next in here.

I'm idealess.

signing out