You people should feel weird if someone has this guilty conscience, especially if that relates to developing a project intended for charity. Yeah, people, you should.
Here is how the 'guilty' story goes:
There is a competition for any youth projects organized by an NGO that is due next week. The NGO will grant a maximum of USD25,000 for each project selected.
My friend, Din, and I thought that this might be a good chance to get a funding and also to help those in need. So, today, we tried to meet and create a proposal for a project we wanted. The project will be about improving livelihoods for a youth community.
It is a good project.
We believe so.
But, the problem arose when we wanted to develop the framework of the project. As two people who never came across any project planning and development, we got stuck.
Apparently, we had no ideas on how to make a good project's proposal. And to think that the proposal will be reviewed by a giant NGO, we, in other words, felt helpless.
We did read and try to understand the essence of the project management plan from literally everywhere (read: Google) but, to no avail.
In the end, we decided to follow the example provided in the NGO guideline, like the framework and project expenditure. Well, actually, we nearly copied and pasted them. But,... we tried as much as possible... not to plagiarize them. We are two honest women. Really.
copied created the framework following the guideline, and since we didn't want to have a similar vibe as the example, we racked our brains to get better ideas. (And I think that's why my migraine returned happily)
Soon after finishing the framework, we moved on to the budget's proposal.
And things just got more twisted.
We had juuust this one problem, actually. As we will be volunteers for the project, naturally we will work hard to meet expectations of the project.
However, we are two underemployed people. We can't afford everything without proper financial supports aka. we won't earn any more money when we focus on this work. Therefore, we both thought of a solution, that is inserting volunteer allowances as a part of the budget's proposal.
It was a nice and convenient idea. Except that the guideline informed us that any payment not specifically related to project activity (ie. salary and stuff) should not exceed 10% of the total project's budget.
Thought it was fine at first... before we saw that the payment has exceeded at about some thousands. Quickly, we racked our brains, again. This time, for our future selves...
That's when we suddenly realized what we've been doing.
Me: Astagfirullah, dear me, can't believe we're actually thinking of ourselves while doing charity work for others
Din: Exactly. And with non existent money, no less
Me: That's why we are not fated to be higher ups. Imagine working with readily collected money... Hahaha
Din: Brain's working especially when money is related
Me: OK. No fear... You see, even a zakat collector can get paid. See? we, I think, can claim as well
Din: Hahaha... what an excuse
Me: I know right. Hahaha... now, I feel like doing a dirty work. I'm a sinner...
Din: Hahaha... what kind of people we are really, being awesome if it's a work on money
Surely, even though we ended up laughing at our silliness, it didn't change a fact that we felt terrible.
Surely, even tough we felt terrible for thinking about our own benefits, it didn't change a fact that we kept trying to obtain the allowances by any means possible.
Since the project will have about six people volunteering, the amount of allowances reached 2,000 dollars something. Just so you know, it's for the whole year period, so we've tried repressing the number as minimum as possible.
After several times fixing and fixing the number...
The final figure of the budget eventually became: $ 23,300
Din: Hey, look, we DID it!
Me: Yeah, we'd GET the money. Finally!
Din & Me: .... We should feel guilty.
Really. We. Have. Tried. Any. Means. Possible.
It's. Just. That. Everything. Is. Expensive.
Quod. Erat. Demonstrandum.
*when developing a charity project makes you feel
gaining profits guilty*