"between the good and the bad is where

you'll find me reaching for heaven"


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Thursday, August 28, 2014



for the first time in life, 
i wish i were someone else...

Friday, May 30, 2014


a totally random topic

The reason I post the above title in here is because I couldn't figure out just why my brain keeps playing the word... at the very random times; when I ride my motorbike, when I suddenly wanting to write something, or like when I'm reading something.

It just pops up in my mind, like some important thing I shouldn't forget.

Heck, since I keep feeling bothered with this word (because I have no idea why it always randomly appears?)... I decide to as well dedicate a post about it in my blog.

Ahem, only to make sure things, a little bit, I believe I'm not the only person who happen to experience this kind of situation, right?

Because, if not, then... I'll be like a fool. *____*

^What's with you, Notwithstanding? Very nevertheless, in spite of this! *blabbering

Monday, May 26, 2014

A Reward from God

Once upon a time, I was tricked into buying sour tasted mangoes by a wicked seller. Of course, since I couldn't stand the taste, it made me rack my brain to think of how to finish eating all those sour mangoes...

Days passed, I then craved for the sweet and ripe mangoes. The ones I love. I prayed hard and hard that I won't be fooled again when there is a time I buy mangoes in the future.

After sending my prayers, I actually forgot about mangoes the days after. Perhaps because I was busy with my life and stuff. And then, one day, without me knowing it, my mom bought a type of sweet and ripe mangoes. I felt blessed, and thanked God, because the same bitter thing didn't happen to my mom. Well, she's an expert buyer after all. 

Then, after those sweet mangoes were gone, I was given a bag of another sweet kind of mangoes. Some looked young, but they nonetheless tasted delicious. I felt double happy because I didn't have to buy anymore. I had a stock of mangoes already.

And then recently, my bro brought home another bag of sweet mangoes given by his in law. And, I'm still having them. If before I had a difficulty to finish them because they were like lemons, now I have a difficulty to finish them because they are just too many for me to handle. (Not that I complain though)

Ah, I thought that God was truly being gracious to me. I only experienced one hardship of having to eat sour mangoes. But, He has generously replaced (or should I say rewarded) me with three times of the happiness of having to eat sweet mangoes.

‪#‎I thank God, Alhamdulillah‬#

sour to the core: the make my life difficult mangoes

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

When developing a charity project makes one feel guilty

You people should feel weird if someone has this guilty conscience, especially if that relates to developing a project intended for charity. Yeah, people, you should.

Here is how the 'guilty' story goes:

There is a competition for any youth projects organized by an NGO that is due next week. The NGO will grant a maximum of USD25,000 for each project selected. 

My friend, Din, and I thought that this might be a good chance to get a funding and also to help those in need. So, today, we tried to meet and create a proposal for a project we wanted. The project will be about improving livelihoods for a youth community.

It is a good project.

We believe so.

But, the problem arose when we wanted to develop the framework of the project. As two people who never came across any project planning and development, we got stuck.

Apparently, we had no ideas on how to make a good project's proposal. And to think that the proposal will be reviewed by a giant NGO, we, in other words, felt helpless.

We did read and try to understand the essence of the project management plan from literally everywhere (read: Google) but, to no avail.

In the end, we decided to follow the example provided in the NGO guideline, like the framework and project expenditure. Well, actually, we nearly copied and pasted them. But,... we tried as much as possible... not to plagiarize them. We are two honest women. Really.

We first copied created the framework following the guideline, and since we didn't want to have a similar vibe as the example, we racked our brains to get better ideas. (And I think that's why my migraine returned happily)

Soon after finishing the framework, we moved on to the budget's proposal.

And things just got more twisted.

We had juuust this one problem, actually. As we will be volunteers for the project, naturally we will work hard to meet expectations of the project.

However, we are two underemployed people. We can't afford everything without proper financial supports aka. we won't earn any more money when we focus on this work. Therefore, we both thought of a solution, that is inserting volunteer allowances as a part of the budget's proposal.

It was a nice and convenient idea. Except that the guideline informed us that any payment not specifically related to project activity (ie. salary and stuff) should not exceed 10% of the total project's budget.

Thought it was fine at first... before we saw that the payment has exceeded at about some thousands. Quickly, we racked our brains, again. This time, for our future selves...

That's when we suddenly realized what we've been doing. 

Me: Astagfirullah, dear me, can't believe we're actually thinking of ourselves while doing charity work for others
Din: Exactly. And with non existent money, no less
Me: That's why we are not fated to be higher ups. Imagine working with readily collected money... Hahaha
Din: Brain's working especially when money is related
Me: OK. No fear... You see, even a zakat collector can get paid. See? we, I think, can claim as well
Din: Hahaha... what an excuse
Me: I know right. Hahaha... now, I feel like doing a dirty work. I'm a sinner...
Din: Hahaha... what kind of people we are really, being awesome if it's a work on money

Surely, even though we ended up laughing at our silliness, it didn't change a fact that we felt terrible. 

Surely, even tough we felt terrible for thinking about our own benefits, it didn't change a fact that we kept trying to obtain the allowances by any means possible. 

Since the project will have about six people volunteering, the amount of allowances reached 2,000 dollars something. Just so you know, it's for the whole year period, so we've tried repressing the number as minimum as possible.

After several times fixing and fixing the number...

The final figure of the budget eventually became: $ 23,300

Din: Hey, look, we DID it!
Me: Yeah, we'd GET the money. Finally!
Din & Me: .... We should feel guilty.

Really. We. Have. Tried. Any. Means. Possible.

It's. Just. That. Everything. Is. Expensive.

Quod. Erat. Demonstrandum.

*when developing a charity project makes you feel gaining profits guilty*